Monday, 5 December 2016

The weird and wonderful

When you're pregnant everyone asks you about the bad bits like morning sickness and tiredness. They warn you about the embarrassing bits like a little bit of wee coming out when you sneeze/laugh. And they rejoice in telling you horror stories of 452 hours of labour, tears up to the armpits and the child who never ever sleeps.

Things that no one spoke to me about (all of which have happened in the last 24 hours - no time to detail the last 12 weeks worth!)  

Expressing milk in the toilets at the cinema in between a movie (first time since Harry was born) and lunch is a lonely and pretty miserable activity carried out inbetween other people using the hand dryer so as to not draw any attention to you. 

When you're so engorged from said cinema trip and your baby gets in the bath you'll lean over and express milk into the cute ducky bath to give baby a silky milk bath (good for the skin so "they" say). 

Achievement is now measured in terms of how far you can squirt breast milk. (Breast milk target practice anyone??). 

Baby skin looks no different after milk bath. 

Enjoying adult conversation on a KIT day discussing HR priorities for 2017 can be interrupted by a poo explosion so, erm, explosive that it clears the room and you find yourself elbow deep in baby wipes in the boardroom. Professionalism. Hmmm. 

You have to prioritise between washing your hair or eating breakfast. 

Ha. Breakfast. More like cold toast that's eaten around midday instead of lunch. 

You'll notice a wet patch on your clothing. Assess how many types of body fluids it could be. Shrug. Realise to change now would mean not leaving the house for at least three hours so off you go, wet patch and all. 

A good night is glancing across the room and seeing your baby and fiancĂ© snuggled up, staring into each others' eyes, laughing, enjoying each other. Happiness is this. 

Someone pass the Tena lady; I'm too busy enjoying the weird and the wonderful, the oh so wonderful, to do my pelvic floor exercises! 

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